I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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