This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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