thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
