My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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