i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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