god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
