Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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