I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
