I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
