billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
