does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
