Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
