So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
