Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
