The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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