i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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