i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
