I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
