you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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