Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
