i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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