Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
