i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there was a trapeze. enough said
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's always time for handjobs
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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