Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
