I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
