9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
