His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
