Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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