I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
