i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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