are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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