dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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