I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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