Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
