This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
