the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
