So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
