She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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