I love black thongs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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