Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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