found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
