Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
