So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
MIDGETS
????
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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