I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
