Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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