Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
