Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
