low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the liver wants what the liver wants
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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