I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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