I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
