So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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