this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
