I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
