garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What drink are we having for lunch?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
