Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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