Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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