At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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